Photo

By Santosh

Without being really computer savvy, I've managed to blog for seven months now, thanks to the help that has come on and off, in some way or the other, right from the word go.
It has always been my wish to upload my photo and this time, computer wizard, student, volunteer at Akshara Foundations and blogger, Santosh helped me to host this pic.

It couldn't be a better choice, than this picture taken recently at a coffee shop, with an instrument I do not know to play.

Dhyanam...

Meditation...Zen

Silence and solitude is what surrounds me, most often these days and I am not complaining about it. I am not searching for some company to be with, some people to talk and engage in conversation. I let the Silence be. Revelling in this silence, I find that the personal space around me is ever increasing - at home, in office, on the road or wherever I may go. It is a Grace that is present and makes its presence felt, the more I make myself open to it.
I am able to experience the whole Universe as an enormous presence, with myself as the fulcrum.When I say, "Myself," I mean the whole Earth, the planets and stars and the millions of galaxies in infinite space.
And in this Silence, there are neither enemies nor friends. Every individual, creature and thing are just like my own hands and feet, head and body - that help me in whatever I wish to do. In this silent mind, if I am interrupted by someone in the midst of a conversation, it is no longer an interruption, but a signal to me, coming from that person that this is not the right time to speak.
And this Silence is power, boundless. It is like a whirlpool which drags me in deeper and deeper into its eddy. Like the bog or quicksand that is just eager to keep me enveloped in its expansive fold.
And in this Silence, Dhyanam happens. My being is Meditation. I am Zen.

Yoga...

Yogakshemam Vahamyaham

Yoga - the magic word that is working wonders around the world. Sri Aurobindo said, "All Life is Yoga." Having practised Pranayama and Hatha Yoga Asanas on and off for five years now, I am really sinking into what Yoga actually does. Though learning it is usually done for health benefits, actually Pranayama and Hatha Yoga has helped me to unite with the cosmic life force that is within and without.
It is not even helping me to unite, but make me experience the Union that already exists the oneness. A little deep breathing continuously, my breath becomes less deep and I realise that there is no going in and coming out of the breath, the air outside and the air within are one and the same.
In Dhyanam - meditation, the experience is the same. When the mind quietly settles down, I experience that the thoughts outside and the thoughts within are the same. In fact, there is nothing outside or within. The bodies float like boats in a common ocean of the mind.
Hatha Yoga - While practising Surya Namaskar, I realised that it is not to some Sun outside of me - but a Namaskar to the presence of the light within. Even after completing the Asanas, I just have to think of an Asana at anytime throughout the day and I find that my mind attains that total cosmic unity. This is the balance that allow me to go through my day, as if I was absent and everything happens....

Sanskar...

Culture

It's controversy time in Chennai where I stay. I was not able to think of something to write. I asked my colleague Vani Doraisamy to tell me a topic to write about. After a moment's thought came the reply - write about the concept of culture which is changing in the light of moral policing and authoritative dictations. The Vice-Chancellor of the prestigious technical Anna University rules that women should not were sleeveless and short tops, no jeans and T-shirts as it will divert the attention of the boys! And we all come from the land of Gargis and Maitreyis who were in those days dressed like the men, in a waistcloth like a dhoti and an upper cloth over the shoulders like an Angavastram.
There is a reputed Tamil daily which sneaks into the bar of a star hotel and clicks pictures of women drinking and publishes it with a caption - Is this Liberation?
In the melee - all and sundry come up with advice on protecting our culture.
I really wish to speak about what true liberation is. In a world of changing realities, hemlines and sleevelines are bound to rise or fall or even disappear. True liberation lies in the mind where the individual is not bound by knots of thoughts tied around his tiny person either by himself, or his family or his society. A mind with neither fear nor favour. A mind that allows the light within to show the way, rather than wait for a torchlight. A mind without bounds, encompassing all. a mind that knows its real self! And I pray as did Rabindranath Tagore - Into that heaven of Freedom, my Father, let my country awake.
*****

A silent mind...

...is the divine's workshop

We have always heard this proverb, "An idle mind is a devil's workshop." I put a couple of other titles on this posts and erased them all to write about the Silent Mind where the divine settles down to do its work through our body and mind.
Though remaining idle and remaining silent seem apparently the same, there is a vast space of difference between the two states of being. An idling engine is switched on, neither taking off, nor switching off. It is noisily asserting its little self, to no avail.
In a silent mind, there are no thoughts fluttering here and there. There Saraswati will express as wisdom, technological and artistic capabilities. When she takes a break, Lakshmi will express as the eternal giver of wealth, love and happiness. Parvathi or Shakthi also sends forth her power to fulfill the desires.
But in the beginning it is Silence. Through the process it is Silence and at the end of it all too it is Silence. Silence is The Way.
Swahilya

I am

...the same

Some years ago,
They said I was born
The saying, began then
They said I was dark and thin
Some said I was cute
Some said I had eyes like a cow.

At school, they said I was in kindergarden
Then they said I was promoted
From Class to Class.

By then I began to say
I am studying in school
I am studying in college
I am working at office
I have a family and friends
I have ideas and emotions
I have pain
I feel

Since then I wished to get at
something or the other
Reach for some goal or the other
When I reached them
It did not make a difference

Now my latest desire
Is for liberation, enlightenment, moksha
To be one with God and become It
I have a feeling that even when I get that
There will be no difference.

Others will call it Enlightenment
But I know, it is all the same.

*****

Change...

...and permanence

If there is something that is permanent in this existence of names and forms, that is change. Moment to moment, this change happens. Cells are born, cells die, humans are born and are dead, the sky changes colours, the leaves spring and drop from trees, flowers bloom and wither, thoughts come and go, rivers flow...
There is no moment of stillness in the Universe, yet they are active in a vast screen of stillness like moving images on a white screen in a motion picture. And so you must have seen the change in the name of the blog too - from Aham to Aksharoham.
A day full of contemplation on the unity of the I that is Aham with the Indestructible and formless Guru within has brought about this symbolic change in the name. There is still a long way to go when the name and form disappears. Then there will be nothing to blog about! So, till then I'm happy blogging as Aksharoham.
**********

Inaction....

In Action

That was a long break for me. It began with a meditation camp by my Guru, Swami Akshara on the Sthitha Pragnya, described by Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita.
The days following the camp were spent in quiet contemplation and meditation. I gave expression to my new-found interest in painting and discovered the total silence of mind that painting a picture can take me to. When I paint Shiva, in those moments, I am Shiva. I am what I paint. I have also revived my Sanskrit sessions, beginning from grammar. One discovery I made was that during my dance, karate, Sanskrit classes or with music and painting is, my mind stops. It is like an experience of deep sleep. Only when the sessions are over, I remember who I am and all the other memories associated with me as an individual.
All this time, I was wondering what the sages used to mean when they said, "God descended into them." Yesterday, I had the experience, with the Grace of my Guru. I was at the meditation centre - suddenly withdrawn quietly in meditation. I felt the movement of energy through my being, till the region of my heart. They became moments of intense inexplicable prayer which made me sit erect and head that began to bend forward gently fell on the book of the story of Andal and the Divine Alwars on the table in front of me. I realised that something beyond my control was happening and let go. Soon the head that bent forward, raised slowly - just as a bamboo bends and straightens with the wind. This time, it was filled with some power and energy and the head that straightened up arched backward.
During this whole process which I later realised, lasted for over an hour - I was able to hear the people around me and was aware of the movements. But, there was no way I could act or respond. After a while, even when I opened my eyes, I could see people and things, but my eyes were non-functional in terms of looking around and responding.
Soon I was smoothly released from the grip of the inner silence and power. It was only then I could get up, look around, smile. Still, it took a while to be able to speak.
I have only my Silence to offer as Gratitude to that experience of Silence that the Divine bestowed on me.

*****

Breathe in...

and Breathe Out

It's six months since blogging began with my first post describing Aham, on a similar night shift as this. Just went on a flash back, scrolling what I had written. The initial posts, mainly poems, with zero comments. Then some poems and prose with one comment from some known person. More posts focussing on spirituality with some (almost one!) regulars like Hari telling me often to keep it up and not lose heart. Now the trickle has become a constant flow.
Now, I am all alone on a Sunday night. It is 1 p.m. here. In the long corridor of the Reporting Section, all the cubicles are empty. The only noise is coming from my computer's keyboard. When the keyboard stops, I can hear the clock tick. The silence outside pushes me to a deeper silence within. This reminds me of a saying outside the St. Mathias Church, I read on my way to office tonight - If you want to hear the voice of God, you have to reduce the volume of the world.
I am experiencing now that this Silence, is a being. It is a part of myself and has a boundless existence. The Hindu has been a Tapo Bhoomi for me. It is in this same computer through which I have typed my numerous assignments, special stories and interviews that have taught me Karma Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Gnana Yoga or just to be in the divine silence.
When I began this post, I was wondering what to write. Now I have to stop the flow. It seems endless. I realise there is no limit to expression. No end to words, spoken or written. No end to the work to be done. Time to draw myself within and just breathe in and breathe out. All the doubts and questions on the board of the mind are wiped out by the self-absorbing eraser of consciousness just as the trail of white gas let out on the blue sky by the jet plane, thickens like a garland of jasmines and thins out and gets erased on its own.
*****

Gyan in action

Car Driving and some Wisdom

Ever since I knew what is meditation, a very beautiful phenomenon has been happening when I just take a break from the thick of some activity. It was two years ago at a swimming pool on an afternoon when I was the only person who had the luxury of the whole pool. After a few rounds of swimming, I stood still in the water. From nowhere, there was so much perspiration happening. This thought came that even in life, when I am engaged in some activity and always on the move, the mind is ever afresh, alive and active. But the moment, I settle down at some point, thinking, "This is it, and there's nothing more," stagnation sets in.
Once while sweeping the floor, I was chasing quite a few dust bunnies to collect them in the dust pan. I wondered that it is the same with the mind too. It is like a little house surrounding the immediate physical body which has to be constantly swept, mopped and kept clean with prayer, meditation and pure thoughts of love for others. Lest dust bunnies in the form of thoughts that disturb, halt or impair the progress of evolution will collect in large numbers and the cleaning at that point may get very difficult.
For the past few days, I am refreshing my car driving lessons and it was gyan time again (not while driving, but after it was over and I was back home!). Just as it would be so ridiculous for one to theoretically learn driving, turn the steering left, press the clutch, change the gear, press the accelerator....rather than practically learn by driving a car - meditation in theory, happening all in the mind within closed eyes, seated in a corner of the room is of no avail unless applied in the 24/7 schedule of interaction with ourself and the society around.
Just as one practises driving in a few roads and masters the art of driving on roads anywhere in the world, the art of withdrawing oneself into the depths of silence, if practised for a few hours in life, comes as a lifelong knowledge in applying it to all situations in life and be aware of success or failure.
*****